I bitch & gripe all i like!

I’ve moved. Pls visit

www.lilmsbitchy.blogspot.com

instead😀

I apologise for the lack of updates & the rather disturbing entry that i last posted. I realise many ppl r concerned & worried – esp those who saw the cuts on my hand. I thought no one would notice, but Gary(who was seated across the table) said ‘What happened to ur hand?’ & i was at a loss for words & he said ‘U cut urself?’ so i said yes. Even Shino who’s usually the joker amongst us gave me a hug & told me not to hurt myself again. I’m touched. Honestly. I know ppl care & i know i have to love myself…but it gets challenging to stay upbeat when so many things seem to get u down. I also can’t explain what happened. All i know is i went to sleep on Wed nite & woke up on Thurs morning feeling really depressed & upset. My mind kept going through the events that have disappointed me recently & suddenly i felt like i couldn’t take it anymore & all i wanted to do was find a blade to cut myself until i could see blood.

I’m feeling more well-adjusted now & the cuts r healing & i hope to deal with my depression in a better way next time. Anyway here r some pics from Diageo’s Xmas party last fri!

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We had quite a good time there since everyone was there to party & we were there soaking up the atmosphere @ Marina Barrage as well. Christine was practising how to look like a ghost in the second pic, & i was learning a special technique of pouring Guinness in the last pic. Lin (the person in charge of the Guardian Angel campaign) was teaching me how to do so & i must say he’s damn charming. Too bad the photo doesn’t show his face but he’s really got the charisma of a mature man😛 Oh & Guinness doesn’t taste half-bad at all.

Then it was work again on Sat. A HTC event. We were handing out fliers to ppl along Orchard Rd & demonstrating the phone to anyone who was interested. But i made the blunder of handing the flyer to the HTC client herself cuz i didn’t recognise her from the casting. She took the flier from me & she was like ‘Amanda rite?’ so i actually said ‘U look familiar…’ OMG. That was seriously a super bimbotic moment. I swear i need to get a brain transplant cuz i’m so terrible @ recognising faces & names nowadays😦 When the event was over i took a bus home & i felt ridiculous with my ‘SQ girl’ hair. I wonder how the SQ girls put up with the hard hair & tons of hairspray they must use each time.

photo540small Ta-dah. I hate the hair seriously.

photo501small Taken during the casting. I think a ponytail would look nice enough instead of the ‘SQ bun’.

Sometime during the week i went to this new eatery @ Wisma. The place is called ‘Whisk’ & i’m guessing the person who owns it is a cat-lover. The menu had a description of cats blah blah blah & its logo is that of a cat. ‘Whisk’ is short for whiskers i guess. But it was a pleasant place overall. Not fantastic or anything or not too bad either.

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Xmas & New year creeps up on us again. But i’m in no festive mood. All i wish for – the economy to get better, my family to be happy, & peace of mind for myself.

Whoa…i have been neglecting my blog so much that i didn’t even know wordpress has changed its format haha. I’ve been busy with project+work over the Sitex weekend. It was really madness for me cuz i had to deal with working @ Sitex, handing in my part for the grp essay and also roving on Fri night for the Anti-drinkdriving campaign. Didn’t help that my grpmate was pressing me to ‘revamp’ my part when i alr had NO time to do so & work @ Sitex really sucked😦

I’ve been feeling very strained lately –  i feel like a rubber band that’s pulled so tight it’s gonna snap & break any moment. There has been alot of disappointments recently & i just feel very tired emotionally & physically, especially after crying. I’ve gone back to inflicting physical pain on myself so that somehow i can be distracted from my emotional worries. *sigh* I thought i’d kicked that habit long ago when i erased that certain someone from my mind but apparently things have happened to trigger this habit again. I’m not well I know. I have alot of baggage and i’m emotionally fragile so really, stop hurting me already. Whether it’s deliberate or not, whether ur genuinely sorry abt the mistakes u’ve made – it doesn’t matter cuz the damage is done. I cannot afford any more room for ur ‘mistakes’.

Sorry to everyone who has to read this – i just really need to vent my frustrations & there’s no better place than here on my blog.

It’s 4.40 am & i’m not sleeping not bcuz i’m suffering from insomnia, but bcuz i’m supposed to be writing my part of the group essay which constitutes 40% of our total grade. The thing is, i’m feeling damn alert but i’m not inspired abt what to write for my essay. My mind is like all over the place cuz of the coffee i drank – caffeine always makes me hyper 8O.

Anyway probably everyone i knew bombed at the quiz we had on Mon. The first thing i said to Tuesday when i came out of the lecture hall was ‘I think we all underestimated this quiz’. That was bcuz we were told it was gonna be ‘very easy’ (I quote my lecturer on this) & bcuz the lecturers would usually be lenient since this was an intensive 2 week module and we can’t possibly cram all that knowledge when we also had to do a ppt presentation + a grp essay during this short span of time. I actually studied for the quiz & i found it tough so i can imagine what it was like for the ppl who didn’t really study. So to get our distinctions, the only hope now is to score damn well for the remaining grp essay. *cross fingers*

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We had to use 2B pencils for the MCQ part of the quiz & the only ones i could find were these old-sch types. Even my sharpener is so ‘vintage’! Wahaha.

I even went for a somewhat ‘prep’ look for school that day:

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Polo Tee + Hairband😀

Will be working for Sitex from Thurs to Sun & i’m not looking forward to it cuz it’ll be crowded, busy & tiring. Plus i gotta finish my essay but where got time seriously? Sitex is from 11am-9pm and by the time i reach home i’ll be exhausted. I’ve to do the anti-drinkdriving roving on Fri nite after Sitex as well…. But $$ is impt – especially since ‘recession’ is very much on my mind recently so i think we shd just earn what we can even if certain jobs may not pay as well as they used to😦 In fact i didn’t even buy anything when i went shopping with my sis today except for a new makeup pouch. Next yr’s new yr resolution No. 1 – Must cut down on unnecessary expenses/Must save $$$.

Look out for more New yr resolutions….

♥I’ve realised the frequency of my updates has dropped to abt once a week (maybe less) but i’ve really been preoccupied with work+school+etc etc…

Was busy with the ppt presentation the past wk – I watched Jack Neo’s ‘Money No Enough 1’ as part of our project work as we’ve chosen Jack Neo films as our contemporary culture text. FYI: ‘text’ is just the term to mean ‘subject’ in pop culture context. Anyway watching his films for analysis is just part of what we had to do for our presentation & thank goodness we got to choose our own topic. Imagine if we got assigned to boring topics such as anime or bollywood! Wa lao. No offense but those topics r not my cup of tea😛

Had my usual anti drink-driving roving on Fri nite, we ended early as the timing was pushed forward but nonetheless i was super tired on Sat morning when i had to wake up at 7am to get to class at 9am. We had to draw lots for our presentation timeslot & since Sam had to work halfday on Sat, we could only get the afternoon slots and it was pretty lucky for us that we drew the 2pm slot. Everyone wanted to get the am slots since they could just leave after their presentation but for us we had to wait for Sam to arrive so by the time we ended it was abt 2.30pm. Ok la, better than staying all the way til 5pm. Oh  we scored a High D for the presentation!!! Yippee!!! Thanks for the great work project peeps! Next up let’s work hard for our essay as well!!!😀

I dropped by my cuz’s place in the middle of the week to get something from her & i was really happy to see my nieces. Amber is still SOOOooooo kawaii~ from the mmses my cuz sends us i always thought she was quite big alr….haha but she’s not – she’s still a tiny tot & she can’t even really crawl very well & she’s abit shy ard unfamiliar ppl. She starts crying if her mom or gran is outasite, & i’m like ‘oh no! what do i do?!’ haha.

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She’s wearing the striped romper i bought her when she was abt 1 or 2 mths old.  Obviously she outgrew it by now but she wears it as a top now😛

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Charlize’s the older girl & she’s getting a little better with ppl cuz she used to be quite aloof & a lil’ rude. *oops* She was visibly perky that day probably cuz i bribed her with a whole pack of Lindt chocs. Kids. So easily contented. How i wish i could be like that.

Something else happened someday during the week & i dun wish to elaborate here but it was something that really upsetted me (haha i know there’s no such word as upsetted but i like to use it anyway). It’s been a long time since i last felt so upset that i just cried and stopped, cried & stopped & i didn’t even eat anything the whole day afterwards. My eyes were damn puffy when i went to sch the next day & I got Dusk to take over my presentation part since i was only doing a short introduction anyway. Thk goodness for him cuz he was like, ‘i can tell from ur eyes lor so i also cannot bear to ask u to do the presentation.’ Anyway am feeling much better now.

Gotta mug for my quiz tmr now…more updates next time!

*i’m all outta faith, this is how i feel…*

Friday nite’s anti-drinkdriving went pretty well. We went to Clarke Quay (which is like our old haunt from last yr) & ‘ambushed’ 4 bars. Well, not really ‘ambush’ for real, cuz we already had permission from the management of those bars to let us in so they were alr expecting us. The patrons probably were the surprised ones but most of them were really ‘on’ abt the whole ‘if u drink dun drive’ spiel, which is great🙂 Plus i didn’t get ‘molested’ this time, har har. The most was probably a few ‘over-friendly’ angmohs, but 2 of them were actually not too bad-looking in the mature sorta way…but sorry! I still like Asian men😛 Shino even made a damn funny & lewd comment: ‘Once u go black, u can never go back’. Errr whatever that refers to i leave it to all u readers’ imagination!

As expected i couldn’t wake up in time for class the next morning. To reach sch on time @ 9am, that would mean i’d have to leave my place @ 7.30am, which would mean i have to wake up to get ready @ 6.30am😯 . I did manage to arrive for the 2nd half of class but seriously i dun think i would have missed anything impt cuz the lecturer was just reading off the ppt slides. Duh. I wouldn’t have bothered showing up for class if not for the fact that we needed to have a discussion on the grp project.

As i’ve mentioned i’ve some new grp members this time round & they’re really interesting ppl. Huifang was someone i’ve noticed since the start of sch last yr cuz she’s very vocal & sounds very smart & dynamic so i’m pretty happy to have her in my grp. She’s a really funny character too…cuz she admonishes us for all the little things that r ‘wrong’ to her like smoking (NOT me cuz i dun smoke), but she did chatise me for my lack of trust & faith in men & relationships. She was like ‘u gotta have trust what!’. Ya right. Trust. That’s like asking me to believe i’m gonna strike Toto next week. *rolls eyes* No offense, i admire Huifang’s positivity but i’m just very pessimistic by nature.

Next week might be a pretty busy one. We gotta start doing a powerpoint presentation & everything must be ready by sat. Then we have to study for an individual quiz on the following monday. *pengz*

Haven’t been regular in my updates recently. Started my new module ‘Contemporary Popular Culture’ this week & i’ve been kinda busy since this is an ‘intensive’ module – meaning everything has to be covered within a span of 2 weeks including a grp presentation, an individual quiz & a grp project essay.

The lessons itself are pretty interesting, & i have a new project grp this module since we’ve been split into 2 diff tutorial grps & Tuesday, Yanling + Ali r in the other tutorial grp. I kinda like my new grp members compared to the other grp i had for the last intensive module. No offense, but i think my new project folks r more driven, vocal & smart so it definitely seems promising! Gonna miss class today though, due to the anti drink-driving campaign being pushed to an earlier timeslot tonight. And there’s class for the whole of tmr as well. *Sigh*

I know i dun sound very enthusiastic abt sch & my life in general and that’s right. I’m NOT. I’m trying to find passion & enthusiasiusm in my life & i hope to share everything with someone but i haven’t been very successful. My spirit, my fire, my optimism, my happiness has been dampened so many times & each time my hopes r raised only to result in MORE disappointment.

To digress, here r pics taken during last wk’s anti-drinkdriving nite out:

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Not a very gd pic but this is the cap we’re giving away for this campaign. Mind u, our objective is not to just simply hand out free merchandise – we seriously want to spread the word that ‘If u drink dun drive’!🙂

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I took this pic after realising that Shino & i were wearing VERY similar tanktops! Haha he looks damn gay la😛

Everything went pretty much smoothly last wk. The only thing i disliked was going into the bars cuz the music is really too loud indoors which makes it very difficult for us to communicate with the patrons inside the bars. Plus i got groped cuz the place was really crowded. I felt someone grab my butt and it was definitely on purpose cuz the hand also made a squeeze, if u get what i mean. What to do? The place is so packed & when u turned around u can only see all the ppl crowding together so u can’t catch the culprit anyway.

Hope it’s gonna be a great night later on…then i’m gonna go home early & go for class @ 9am on a Saturday😦

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